9.30.07 Jesus way of solving problems
WESTMINSTER PULPIT
The Rev. Dr. David Thompson
September 30, 2007 “Jesus’ Way of Solving Problems” Matthew 18:
Text: “If your brother does something wrong, go and have it out with him alone, between your two selves. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother. If he does not listen to you, take one or two others along with you; the evidence of two or three witnesses is required to sustain any charge. But if he refuses to listen to these, report it to the community, and if he refuses to listen to the community treat him like a pagan or a tax collector.” Matthew 18: 15-17
St. Paul says in Corinthians; “Put love first.”
Recently our Presbytery leadership called a workshop to be led by a skilled conflict resolution person, Ron Classen from the Fresno Pacific University Center for Peacemaking and Conflict Studies. In your bulletin you will see his Four Options for Handling Conflict. If you will turn to that card now you will see that option one has a circle around the first number one on the card. The other number one has no circle around it. The circle represents the person or group who has the power. In option two, neither person nor group has the power. It is delegated to a third person or group marked as X. In option three you will see that the circle of power is around the two persons or groups of persons and X has no power. In option four there is no person or group X, but the power is around both parties.
I was asked that day to try to give examples of these four options for handling conflict. So I started with an example of option one as being like the Presbytery trying to solve a divisive problem. A vote is taken and the majority winner takes all, leaving the other party without power. The other party, unwilling to let the matter go, decides to take the matter to Synod for resolution which is method two on the card where X has all the power and the parties have to accept the decision. Method three is the one with person X not having the power but both parties equally empowered. This was the situation we were experiencing that day when a trained conflict resolution specialist was person X, but it was up to us basically to sort out the problem between the parties. Situation number four, I described as “Heaven” where the opposing parties work out the problem between themselves without outside help.
One pastor immediately noted the differences between options three and four and the first two options. Options one and two were win/lose options. Three and four were win/win situations.
Our mediator was a Mennonite. They are known all around the world for their conflict resolution and forgiveness. Witness the Amish where ABC’s Charles Gibson’s report of the Nickel Mines Pennsylvania shooting said that, “passages of the new Testament were taken literally in that community,” where the relatives of the relatives of the shooter were even invited to attend the funeral.
Recently the President of Iran met with religious leaders at the Tillman Chapel at the United Nations. This initiative was led by the Mennonite Central Committee of the Church of the Brethren. Phil Jones of the Brethren said this of Matthew 18:, our passage of this morning: “We came representing a people of non violence. We have a responsibility as the people of Christ to make our voice heard.” Jones said that the Matthew 18: passage “is imperative to who we are as a faith community. If we carry that to the political community, everyone benefits.”
Ron Classen, the Mennonite, said something at the Presbytery Pastors Retreat that took me by surprise. He said that, “typically we start in the order of the options on the card and go down it one, two, three, and four. But he said of Matthew 18: “Jesus didn’t do that. In fact he taught us to use the reverse order! Begin with four and end with one! Option four, which is first for Jesus, is: “If your brother does something wrong, go and have it out with him alone, between your two selves. If he listens to you, you have won back your brother.”
The first thing to notice in option four is that the power is around both parties to solve the problem. If the problem is solved this is win/win because we have a restored the relationship. We have gained our brother or sister. Part and parcel of this is the answer to Peter’s question in the same passage. “How many times should I forgive my brother? As often as seven times? Jesus answered, “Not seven I tell you but seventy seven times.” Implicit in option four are genuine repentance of the offender, and a willingness of the offended party to extend forgiveness.
Sometimes however for a variety of reasons we feel that we need to go to option three, because we need the help of a third party. Privacy is unfortunately lost by doing this, but it is still potentially win/win. What a good mediator does in option three is to draw to the attention of the conflicted parties what interests they have in common. What we tend to do in conflict is to emphasize the differences and then move to judgment. If both parties are willing to go the route of a third party skilled in conflict resolution, we have gained our brother and sister. This may involve a compromise acceptable to both parties based on their common interests. Couples who have a viable but troubled marriage often can take this route.
But now we also need to look at what Christ taught a little more closely. In option two most translations translate; “If he refuses to listen report it to the church.” The New Jerusalem translates this word “ecclesia” used in the older translation for the word “church”, as “community”, which may be a lot closer to what the Historical Jesus actually said, for when he was alive there was no church.
Option one is to separate that person from the community by a decision of the community. We know that the early church was using this saying of Jesus for conflict resolution, because of the use of the word “ecclesia” and also because of the phrase “treat him like a pagan or a tax collector.” If that phrase didn’t sound to you much like what the Jesus of History would do or say when it was read this morning, the chances are very good that he didn’t say it quite like that. The Historical Jesus was far more careful than that. Let’s remember that he welcomed tax collectors like Zacchaeus. He embraced pagans like the Roman centurion and Samaritans like the woman at the well, even telling us to love our enemies. The New Jerusalem Bible simply says, “Let him be outcast” for that same phrase of Tax collectors and pagans.
However just above this passage in St. Matthew 18: we do see the spirit of the Historical Jesus, because his famous parable of the lost sheep is told, scholars tell us that the parables are the bedrock of the tradition of the Historical Jesus. The lost sheep is someone, who for whatever reason, is outside the fellowship of the group and the Good Shepherd expends a great deal of effort in order to bring that lost sheep back into the fold. However, sometimes because of the unwillingness of the person to repent, the first step has to be separation from the group. That does not mean that the group’s responsibility is over however. We search for the lost sheep and when the lost sheep returns, as in the parable of the Prodigal Son, there is a party. This may also involve waiting, as in the Prodigal Son, or actual deliberate searching as in the lost sheep parable.
My question today is why, generally speaking, so we tend to start with win/lose options rather than win/win?
Trying to settle things by majority vote is often satisfactory particularly when there is near unanimity. But when there is an almost even division it is often a recipe for disaster. The party that wins all has to deal with the opposition of those who lost. And this is a very good reason to pay attention to Jesus’ order and start from position four, particularly when you know that winning will backfire.
The most common reasons given for starting with position one is the belief that the other options won’t work, or they are too hard. In my experience I have often found that the party who is the complainant says that they are intimidated by the person who offended them. So they immediately skip over step four in Christ’s method and leap to position two. They tell it to the community. Notice however what we have done when we have done this. We have moved to win/lose. Most of us think we are right so when we move to win/lose, we assume that we will have the majority on our side.
Recently I was sued by someone who had their car towed from our lot by Westminster Staff. I had nothing to do with the decision to tow, but I was summoned to small claims court anyway. After the summons to appear, on the advice of a wise lawyer, we decided to try to speak with the complainant ahead of time and try to resolve the issue. In other words we tried to take the complainant back to the Christian way of step four and get it out of option two. Our lawyer spent a long time on the phone with the offended party, all to no avail. So it looked like we were in for option two in small claims court. We prepared well and the staff did a brilliant defense with photos and exhibits showing that the church was completely within its rights to tow because the person had violated clear signage on many occasions.
The day came and off to court we went. Small claims court is very like “Judge Judy”. But to my surprise when it started we were asked to use option three and seek the help of a pro bono mediator but before that we were asked to step back to option four because we were to share evidence with each other. When we did that we came to an amicable agreement with the party and they dropped the case, much to the relief of the stand in for “Judge Judy”! So Jesus’ methods were successful there, and Small Claims Court uses them when it can.
In another example, I knew a wonderful man who had a drinking problem; his family tried to work it out with him but were unsuccessful in option four they were Christian people and so I thought we could use option three. We decided to invite the whole family for a family conference. They were a wonderful loving family and the father agreed to meet with me and the whole family. I’ll never forget the tears and the joy as that family came back together. They came to a positive agreement for results which is also in the amazing chapter of Matthew 18 and the father agreed to go to AA and never to drink again. He kept his word.
Sometime later both father and mother died and there were problems with the settlement and the family members were upset with each other. No longer was the father/mother wisdom available which had always been there. A family member came to me and asked for help. Again they agreed to option three and a very skilled mediator was engaged and the whole matter was settled in one evening. The family went back together and was happy again. They could have gone to option two and taken each other to court and that would have cost them a bundle. So Jesus’ way of solving problems not only works but is cost effective as well.
Posted on one of our bulletin boards is an amazing report on the work of the U. N. in Darfur. The U. N. is attempting to solve the problems of Darfur without war. In fact they are trying to get people to agree to end hostilities peacefully. The agreements are many and varied and complicated but they have a similarity about them. The agreements are positive agreements for results as well as agreements for protection. They rely on shuttle diplomacy, personal face to face meetings, conflict resolution and negotiations. To me they have the mark of the Jesus of History upon many of them. They are the kind of thing that he referred to in the Beatitudes: “Blessed are the peacemakers, they shall be called the sons of God.” War is not the way of Jesus.
Now to what I think is the most important lesson for us today from Jesus. It is vital to understand that where we begin affects where we end up. If we are loving at the beginning, we will end up at a different place than if we start in anger or hate. For Jesus the greatest commandment is to love God and our neighbor as ourselves. That is why we do our very best to start at option four, even with an enemy. The enemy needs to come within the circle of power, no exceptions, if they are willing. Christ’s teaching is to bring the enemy within the circle of protection of love.
Jean Bell Mosley writes that as a young girl at school she used to engage in trading her lunch with other students. She always tried to trade something she didn’t want for something she did want. She never gave away anything she really liked, like her mother’s walnut cake. If she had fruit she always bargained away the less attractive fruit for a doughnut or a piece of apple pie. One day after she had eaten her lunch, which had no fruit in it, she sat down under a tree. She saw Stella Downing coming up the path; Stella lived near the school and was able to go home for lunch. Stella had two apples in her hands. One perfectly shaped, red and shiny, stem intact, no flaws. The other one was smaller, slightly shriveled and dented on one side. Stella asked Jean if she wanted one. Jean responded that she had finished her lunch which was code for “I have nothing to trade.” Without hesitation, Stella handed her the perfect apple. Jean held it for a minute expecting Stella to realize her mistake but Stella began to eat the smaller one. The two girls laughed and played together, with Jean overcome with admiration for Stella.
That day for Jean was a turning point, because before that day she had felt no pangs of selfishness. Her trading was just good business sense. But that day with Stella refined her bargaining powers. In fact she crossed over an imaginary line that had separated her from Stella, to join with her and all the people in the world who always give their best and so inspire others to do the same.
Stella had learned not to begin with herself but to begin with the other person, to treat others the way she would want to be treated. In the teaching of Jesus of how to solve problems it is all important WHERE we begin.
As St. Paul says: “Love does not take offence, is not resentful, takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.
Always put love first.
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